I never really came up for air after college. I went directly to medical school, which I was eager to begin, but I did not realize how much pressure I kept myself under for so many years. My first real job was working as an “intern,” if you call that a job! I think I made $28,000 and worked more than 100 hours a week “awake”—that was long before the Bell Commission restricted medical intern and resident hours. I am not sure if I have ever taken a real break as I finished my residency when I delivered our first child. I had another within fifteen months and then two more!

I always knew I wanted to be a doctor. I loved reading medical books that were around the house, especially looking at the Netter Anatomy Atlas and photos of all sorts of medical conditions. One of my earliest memories is going to the NIH/NCI with my father, a medical oncologist, to check in on his experiments. Back in the 1970s, they did a lot with animal studies, so I loved playing with the beagles, monkeys and even the mice. I can distinctly remember the smell and my father’s starched lab coat. I always smiled at the patients. My father taught me to sit on the edge of the bed and hold a patient’s hand, look them in the eye and make them feel like a person, not a patient.

My mother developed breast cancer when I was in my last year of medical school. I knew that I needed to help other women in her predicament, but it was only when I myself underwent prophylactic mastectomies that I really began to understand that women (and men) need to feel control and retain their dignity at these very scary moments. Sometimes you can feel all alone, even if you have loved ones nearby. Nobody really knows how it feels to have your body changed so dramatically until they have to go through it themselves. Bringing the little secrets, the tips and the inside scoop to the patient’s beside is like having your best friend there all the time—security and dignity.

I could not have done it without my friends, my mother, my husband and my kids. The name came from my friends Mark and Lisa who are geniuses in marketing. We had a brainstorming session where I virtually held them captive until we came up with BFFL Co—Best Friends for Life. If my kids knew what BFFL meant, everyone else would get it eventually. We wanted to keep the brand upbeat, approachable and nothing that would say “I have cancer.”

Resources came from my husband and my savings. Every penny has been carefully spent. My mother has probably given out my business card to half of New England and my true friends believed in me and pitched in—in every imaginable way. Judy is my dearest and closest friend at work. Meg is ultra reliable. Both of these women have incredible creativity and skills that I could never dream of having. They really stepped up and delved in.

I am so fortunate to have an incredibly devoted and supportive team. Our staff have all experienced health issues, either themselves or with a loved one. Our fulfillment specialist, Esme, just had her first baby. My associate Caitlin found out she was BRCA + while working for us and underwent prophylactic mastectomies. The husband of another staff member just had prostate cancer surgery. We all put our experience and empathy into everything we do. We are supportive and step up whenever someone else needs our help. We all value our families, exercise, eating well and keep the work environment upbeat. Social media keeps us in touch with our community.

Few days ever follow the same schedule, but here goes: 6:00 a.m., wake up (or earlier), make kids lunches, put my steel cut oatmeal on the stove, quickly answer emails, make breakfast for the kids and everyone is out the door between 7:00 and 8:30 a.m. If I have to work at the hospital, my housekeeper comes in early to help get the kids everything and everywhere they need to be. Between 8:30 a.m. and 3:00 p.m. I’m in meetings, answering phone calls and emails from home or in NYC. I try to be home when the kids walk through the door, whether I’m in the city for the day or at the hospital seeing patients.

4:00 to 9:00 p.m. is crazy time at the house. Everyone needs rides to sports, I try to exercise, my husband tries to exercise and, if we’re lucky, some combination of family members eat together while doing homework at the kitchen table. Then it’s help with homework while I do my work, call my mother and father and check in with friends by email or text.

Between 9:00 and 10:00 p.m. I try to get everyone settled down, quiz my kids for their tests (if they have them) and then watch Netflix or read a book next to my husband in bed. Time to pass out! 

There are a few essentials in my life that I have recognized from day one as a professional. I need sleep and exercise. I can stay calm and work through almost anything so long as I start the day on a full tank of sleep and get in at least a short run. I have been known to keep my running clothes/shoes with me at all times, so I can squeeze it in during a practice, or in between leaving work and arriving home. Exercise is a form of meditation for me. I clear my head and everything seems a little less complicated after a run.

We are part of the change in medicine. The Chabner XRT subsidiary of BFFL Co is devoted to bringing new innovation to the practice of Radiation Oncology. Improving the Patient Experience® is our tagline for all we do, be it through our BFFLBags®, our Masthead® garments or our Chabner XRT® medical devices. It’s all part of our greater mission to bring dignity and comfort back to the patient in a time where insurance companies and hospitals are trying to strip things down to the bare minimum. Patients are people, not record numbers on the electronic medical system. 

Kids are the joy in life; they also help you prioritize. Enjoy your children and make them feel important. Put down your cell phone; stop typing and listen to them. Let them help you with your work, ask them for ideas and share with them some of the successes and failures. Kids need to understand that money just does not appear because mom or dad go to work. Show them what goes into it and then they will become your greatest cheerleaders.

Physicians are not encouraged to be entrepreneurs. In fact, it’s nearly impossible to try to do something outside of the hospital, like create a new surgical bra without hearing “that’s not really science or medicine.” People looked at what I was doing as “soft” or “silly.” Some colleagues would say, “she’s making care baskets.” I had to ignore these put downs and remind myself that if patients need it and use it, it will be worth it in the long run. What doctor takes time to hunt down fabrics in the garment district in NYC? What doctor has learned import/export/customs issues or has filed a patent or tried to get a device cleared through the FDA? Drug companies do that, not solo practitioners.

I hope that someday, I leave my mark as “the doctor who revolutionized the medical garment industry.”

First of all, I tell my daughters and all other young women who I meet that they must find themselves a skill that society values. Girls and women must keep that skill fresh and in demand. You never know when you’ll need to fall back on that skill or support your entire family.

Don’t rely on anyone else to provide for you. If you’re lucky enough to find an incredible partner, share with him or her. But never forget to follow your passion. If you’re starting a business just to make money, you’ll never really feel successful. Money isn’t enough to drive an entrepreneur to work as hard as I have and needed to over the past three years. You could never pay me enough for the passion that I put into my own company. There are much easier ways to make (and lose) money.

You have to have a passion and a good idea. Then you have to be able to take a lot of criticism. Hearing people say “no” is so hard when you’ve put your all into something. But hang in there and believe in what you are doing. Try to set small tasks on hard days. Give yourself a day off every once in a while. If you don’t believe in what you are working on, never go into business on your own.

Lastly, and this is the most important thing, surround yourself with women who will support you. My favorite quote was spoken by Madeleine Albright: “There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” Ignore jealousy, pettiness and moms that are threatened by a working mom. There are plenty of great women out there who can make you stronger, just by cheering you on.

This last story tells it all: last week I was traveling with my daughter for a swim meet. She jumped up out of her seat in the gate area and said, “mom, there’s a lady with your BFFL bag.” I couldn’t even comprehend what she was talking about—we weren’t in a hospital! But sure enough, across the room was a beautiful woman carrying our pink striped tote. So I went over to her and introduced myself. She looked at me and said, “Can I hug you? You saved my life. I’m only 37 and I could not believe I had cancer. Your BFFLBag made me feel cared for and dignified.”

We both hugged each other again. The next day, I received a message from her on the BFFL Co Facebook page. She thanked me again and wanted to offer her support to others. I guess I now have a new Best Friend for Life.

No more careers, just this one, for now…I’d like to be a grandmother.