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Your boss is supposed to act as a team leader, so why do they seem fixated on making you feel incompetent?
First, let’s acknowledge that you do not deserve to be spoken down to in any capacity, and if your boss is doing so, they’re not only doing you a disservice, but they are doing themselves a disservice, as this will likely come back to bite them in the future. Bad managers lead to a toxic work environment, where few employees can thrive.
People often get promotions into leadership roles because it’s the next logical vertical move, even if they don’t excel in a leadership capacity. (Forbes cites a CareerBuilder study that shows that nearly 60 percent of managers said they didn’t receive any management training.)
Just because someone is good in sales doesn’t mean they will be a good manager, but sometimes that’s just how HR creates the internal succession pipeline.
Table of Contents
- Your Boss Makes You Feel Incompetent
- Your Boss Micromanages You
- Your Boss Doesn't Like You
- Your Boss Plays Favorites
- Your Boss is Lazy
- Your Boss Thinks You're Their Personal Assistant
- You Have a New Boss Who Doesn't "Get" You
Here's how to know if you're dealing with a boss who at best, is a bad manager, and at worst, is a true bully—and what to do about it.
1. Your Boss Makes You Feel Incompetent
What It Looks Like:
If your boss scolds you for things that are out of your control, they're trying to make you feel incompetent. When they try to make you feel as if it's your fault that you don't know something far beyond your job description, it’s easy to feel as though you’re incompetent. That's exactly why bad bosses try this kind of behavior. They know it makes you look bad and feel even worse.
In this case, it’s usually the manager who has low emotional intelligence and has the inability to grasp the concept of educating others instead of berating them. This is a fairly common practice by your worst bosses.
In fact, Harvard Business Review covered this behavior in a 1998 article titled "The Set-Up-to-Fail Syndrome." This describes bosses who actively set their employees up to fail. When failure inevitably comes to the surface, the employee is gaslit into thinking it's their fault. Sound familiar?
What to Do:
Try to acknowledge the situation. If you were never trained on an internal process, point this out. Consider saying something to the extent of “I was never formally trained on this process, so I wasn’t aware of this requirement. This is great information that I’ll be mindful of going forward.”
If the harassment worsens, consider talking to colleagues to get their thoughts or filing a formal complaint with HR.
2. Your Boss Micromanages You
What It Looks Like:
If your boss is constantly flooding your inbox or calling you after work hours, or asks you to CC them on every email so they can verify your every move, you’re dealing with a micromanager.
What to Do:
If you can, try to set expectations early on. Having a conversation where you can ask about the parameters of your job and what is expected of you for the assignment can be beneficial. If you can get this in writing, you can refer back to it at a later time.
This whole situation might be hard on your mental health, and if that's the case, it may be worth looking elsewhere for work, or even towards another department. With micromanagers, clear communication (so much so that it can feel as if you’re going overboard) may work in your favor. If a micromanager sees your thought process or your intentions, they may be less likely to jump in and try to oversee every move you make.
If the constant communication and/or looking over your shoulder is detracting from your ability to get work done, share this with your supervisor. That might look something like this:
“I understand that is imperative that we execute [project] well, but the amount of phone calls and emails we conduct is taking me away from my work. Would it be possible to set up a debrief once a week where I can share what I’m working on?”
3. Your Boss Doesn't Like You
What It Looks Like:
Truth be told, not everyone is going to like each other, and that’s okay. What is not okay is when someone cannot put their personal feelings aside at work and gives you unnecessary negative feedback.
What to Do:
You cannot force someone to like you, nor should you have to. With that said, we’re only human, and sometimes our actions can affect others in unforeseen ways. If your boss is mistreating you, that isn’t acceptable, but it might be worth it to look at your own actions to see if there is something you’re doing to fan the fire.
Pay attention to your boss’s likes and dislikes. Do you have a shared interest that you might be able to find common ground about? If you can illuminate common interests, it may break down some barriers. This isn’t to say that your boss will magically like you, but it might make their management style a bit more tolerable.
4. Your Boss Plays Favorites
What It Looks Like:
Does your manager always pick specific team members to give compliments to while providing negative feedback to others? If so, your boss is playing favorites. This can be extremely challenging to deal with at work because oftentimes, this is out of your control.
If your boss has an affinity bias towards someone, they likely see a bit of themselves in the employee and therefore gravitate towards them, often giving them additional praise or positive feedback.
Your boss might be projecting their own desires for praise—or they may want to praise someone similar to them for the feeling of being in an exclusive "club."
What to Do:
You cannot do much to make your boss favor you, but you can continue to deliver your best work. Even if your boss doesn’t acknowledge it, delivering excellent work will pay off in the long run.
If your boss doesn’t acknowledge your success, make sure you do so yourself. Keep note of your results and achievements so you can integrate them into your resume. Additionally, when performance reviews come up and you’re asked about what you’ve achieved, you’ll have a solid list of accomplishments to refer back to.
5. Your Boss Is Lazy
What It Looks Like:
Depending on how long someone has been in their role, they may have forgotten what it’s like to be at a lower level in the workplace. This often translates to laziness and delegating everything to peers and coworkers. A lazy boss might forget to complete their responsibilities or come unprepared to meetings.
What to Do:
This situation can lead to extreme frustration. Start by having a one-on-one conversation with your supervisor. Bring it to their attention that the additional duties you’ve taken are hindering your ability to complete the assignments originally given to you.
If they’re lazy, chances are that they will not have the motivation to come up with a solution. It’s not your responsibility to do so, but identifying and pitching a possible solution may help to solve the problem. Laziness is not a good trait, but it might not be out of malice.
6. Your Boss Thinks You're Their Personal Assistant
What It Looks Like:
First things first, there's nothing wrong with being a personal assistant. There's just one small problem—your role definitely isn't "personal assistant," so why does your boss have it so twisted?
Your boss asks you to grab them coffee, pick up dry cleaning, or do other personal life tasks that are both below your job description and unrelated to work. Basically, you feel like someone’s intern or personal assistant instead of your actual title.
What to Do:
Unless you’re really getting a lot out of the role and learning a lot, it’s probably time to begin searching for a new opportunity. The best time to find a new job is when you have one because you’re able to be strategic in your role.
The one good thing about having a boss who thinks you’re their personal assistant is that, hopefully, you’ll be able to spot the red flags ahead of time so you don’t find yourself working for the same personality type moving forward.
7. You Have a New Boss Who Doesn't "Get" You
What It Looks Like:
You’ve been in your role for a long enough time that you’re pretty comfortable with your responsibilities and expectations, but now you have a new boss who has come in and seems not to understand your style and how you work.
What to Do:
Working with a new boss often means learning a new style of communication. Even if it doesn’t feel that way, initially try and assume that they have the best intentions.
Reggie Hanson, Enterprise Customer Success Manager at MasterClass explains, “When working with a new manager, it does take some time to figure out the different puzzle pieces on how you can effectively work together. Be honest about what types of support you need and flexible in where you might need to get it from.”
