Photo by Ann H
Have you ever sighed and asked yourself, "What am I doing with my life?"
Watching people trope around Europe or sipping Aperol spritzes on the beach can make any of us question our life choices.
This is the age of social media. Whether scrolling on Instagram or pushing through the daily grind, it’s easy to wake up and question the path that you’re on. Well, I’m here to tell you that you don’t need to have your entire life figured out right now.
If you’re pondering, “What am I doing with my life?” this article is for you!
Why Do I Feel So Lost?
As children, we were often taught that we’d meet certain lifecycle milestones at various ages, but for many of us, things didn’t pan out as planned.
If you feel like you haven’t met life milestones or followed the social trends like your parents, you’re not alone. There’s a science to back up your instincts!
Pew Research found that in 2019, 55 percent of Millennials lived with a family unit, including their spouse and child (or children). By comparison, 66 percent of Gen Xers, 69 percent of Boomers, and 85 percent of members of the Silent Generation lived with family units at the same age.
We really do live a completely different lifestyle than generations who came before us.
Because our generation tends to be delayed in social trends and life milestones (thanks pandemic, recession, etc.!), it can feel like your life isn’t going the way you envisioned. If this is the case, try not to feel discouraged.
In reality, none of us know what we’re doing. Even the people that look like they have it all together usually feel like they’re winging it and question the direction of their life at some point.
Leadership & Career Confidence Coach Julia Korn explains, “For many of us, the question of figuring out what to do with our lives is daunting, to say the least. Thinking in these global terms almost always feels overwhelming. To get at the answer to that big question, think in smaller questions.”
15+ Tips to Answer Your Question, "What Am I Doing With my Life?"
Korn goes on to suggest starting by assessing your current situation and mindset about how things are going in the short term.
“Start with, ‘What projects have energized me? What about them energized me?’ Then, seek to find work where you can perform similar tasks. As you take on new opportunities, collect data on what energizes you and drains you. Make your career decisions off of that data.”
While your career does not define you, being unhappy in your career or at work can bleed into your personal life, making things seem bleak in general.
Instead of trying to fix everything at once, break it into bite-sized pieces and evaluate different areas of your life one by one to see what’s working for you, what’s inspiring, and what is causing negativity.
1. Try Not to Panic
The key word here is “try.”
Once you start pondering these big, ominous questions, it can be easy to spiral into a panic cycle or even a panic attack. While work stress is common, do your best to try not to panic.
Remember that you have the power to take control of your life and make the changes you want.
Anxiety can trigger a cascade of physiological responses, including increased heart rate, breathing, and muscle tension, which can contribute to feelings of stress and anxiety.
If you’re breathing quickly during a panic attack, doing a breathing exercise can ease your other symptoms.
Try this breathing exercise:
- Breathe in as slowly, deeply, and gently as you can through your nose
- Breathe out slowly, deeply, and gently through your mouth
- Count steadily from 1 to 5 on each in-breath and each out-breath
- Close your eyes and focus on your breathing
Some people also find focusing on external factors such as sounds or identifying features of the space they're in to be grounding. Whatever you’re experiencing, know that it too will pass. The anxiety surrounding life choices can feel all-encompassing, but know that wherever you are at the moment, you’re doing a great job!
2. Profile Your Passions
This should be fun!
Consider what ignites you and what energizes you in your journey to self-discovery. When was the last time you lost track of time because you were so excited about something? When was the last time your motivation took over at work?
Take note of the activities that light you up and fuel you, whether these are activities at work or activities you participate in at your leisure. Is there a cause or initiative that you feel particularly aligned with?
3. Learn New Skills
Learn something new—or at least start to learn.
We are all guilty of saying we will do things—eventually, when we have the time.
Chances are, if you are wallowing about what you’re doing with your life, you might have some time to devote to a new craft. Even if it’s a few minutes a day, you can do something like learn how to sew, knit, or write out some fancy calligraphy!
You can even start learning an entirely new language right from your phone! Use easy programs like Duolingo to finally brush up on your high school French.
Learning a new skill or a new language is a great way to give yourself purpose. If you use Monday morning to brag about what you learned about this past weekend—well, hey, that’s just a great perk! You might even learn something directly related to your career to breathe some life back into it!
Sidenote—you can literally learn anything on YouTube.
4. Know What Makes You Happy + Do It!
Going back to profiling your passions, take note of what makes you happy.
This might be snuggling with your pet, cooking, exercising, spending time with your loved ones, or indulging in a little self-care in the form of a bubble bath.
Whatever makes you happy, prioritize making time for it!
Take your dog for a walk around the block, FaceTime your mom, sit in the tub while you catch up on your favorite show (on your phone or tablet), or do whatever it is that brings a smile to your face.
The 2019 Annual Review of Public Health found that happiness lowers the risk of high blood pressure and cardiovascular disease. Happiness also improves sleep, diet, body weight, and all sorts of other positive health factors.
5. Know Your Dealbreakers
Just like it’s important to know what makes you happy, it’s important to know what makes you unhappy or what is a dealbreaker for you. If you find yourself in situations that routinely make you unhappy, remove yourself from those toxic environments.
At the very least, take note of them so you can mitigate the risk of putting yourself in a position that makes you uncomfortable. Doing so will make a big impact on how satisfied you are with your life.
It's also important to note what type of company you want to surround yourself with. If you’re constantly around the type of people who are out of line with your mission, goals, or morals, you’re likely going to feel unfulfilled and unhappy with your life.
6. Learn How to Say No
First and foremost, know that you don’t have to accept every invitation or take on every task that is asked of you. You’re allowed to say no, and you should be saying no to situations or people that are negatively affecting you.
Whether you’re a chronic people-pleaser or prone to guilt (or both), saying no is uncomfortable. With this said, it’s important to take control of your career happiness, learn to set boundaries, and say no at work without guilt.
7. Find a Mentor
Finding someone who you can look up to and reach out to for advice is incredibly beneficial. It allows you to bounce ideas off of a trusted contact and gain clarity in areas where you might struggle.
In a professional sense, coaching helps you make informed decisions about your next career move. We know what topics present the biggest challenges, so we vetted each coach to ensure she can help. Learn how to hire a Career Contessa Mentor here!
8. Connect With Your Network
While many of us immediately think of cocktail hours and business cards, there are many other ways to grow your circle and have fun doing it.
Do you appreciate a lot of structure? Try speed networking. Prefer longer conversations? Some organizations, like Six Degrees Society, have curated networking experiences and match you with others who have similar backgrounds or interests.
Do you like to learn about industry trends? Consider industry organizations where you can learn about a relevant topic and meet your peers. Career Contessa webinars are another great option for networking—and they're all online!
Your ideal networking situation is out there, you may just need to put in a little effort to find it.
9. Try Journaling and Brainstorming
A study out of Penn State College of Medicine found that journaling could decrease mental distress and increase well-being.
It also showed that journaling resulted in “less depressive symptoms and anxiety after one month and greater resilience after the first and second month, relative to usual care.”
If you’re worrying about what you’re doing with your life, consider starting a worry journal. At its most basic level, a worry journal, or worry diary, is a place for you to record your worries.
In addition to the benefits that the study from Penn State College of Medicine found, there are other ways in which journaling can benefit us. Regular journaling has been associated with things like better sleep, lowered anxiety levels, and a sense of “control” that we may all feel we’re lacking right now.
10. Consider a New Career Path
Happy employees create better work. Work-life balance is crucial for our mental health.
The happiness advantage at work breeds creativity, positive emotion among colleagues, increased retention, heightened motivation, and overall job satisfaction.
If you’re completely unhappy or unfulfilled in your career, consider making a change. While making a career transition is daunting, it could help you feel like you have more control of your life. It’s empowering when you realize that you can change the career trajectory you’re on!
Know that the transition you make doesn’t have to be a vertical move. While it can be compulsory to want to move “up” in your career, career changes might be lateral or even require you to take a step back. This is okay; ultimately, if it helps you find more happiness, it’s good.
11. Cultivate a Growth Mindset
Studies have shown that people who operate from a growth mindset learn more and are more successful.
Those living with a growth mindset believe that intelligence can be developed. This creates an innate hunger for learning and persistence in facing challenges. In other words, those with a growth mindset believe in the optimistic promise of “yet.”
12. Create Something Using Your Skills
This is another one of those tips that should be fun! Combine your skills and your passions to create something. If you love reading (hi!), consider starting a Bookstagram.
As an avid reader myself, I find some of the best book recommendations through social media. Creating something that excites you and utilizes your skills will help add purpose to your life.
You could even consider creating something physical, like a photo album. I personally create photo albums using Shutterfly for each trip I take. The albums are thin and don’t take up much space, but they serve as such a fun and grounding reminder of where I’ve been and how far I’ve come. I love stumbling upon the albums and reliving past moments!
13. Give Back to Your Community
When I say “give back to your community,” know that this might look different depending on how you interpret it. This could be your physical community, alumni community, work community, or any other community you’re a part of.
Perhaps you adopted a pet from a rescue and want to support them, or maybe you just want to increase your volunteer hours to support your local organization. Doing so can open you up to new opportunities and help create a more fulfilling life.
You can also consider how you can give back to your alumni community. Reach out and see if your school is looking for panelists, mentors, or volunteers. You can always connect with others who share your alma mater.
14. Zhuzh Up Your Space
When you’re in a space that reflects your personality and makes you happy, you’ll be able to put your best foot forward.
Depending on your space and what you can do to it, this might translate to applying a fresh coat of paint, hanging some renter-friendly wallpaper, or even just giving your workspace a thorough cleaning.
Give yourself a budget, a timeline, or resources to work with, and make the space around you reflect you! Browsing on places like Pinterest can be a great source of inspiration. There’s something about zhushing up your space and making things feel more “you” that definitely adds to the whole feeling of having your life together.
15. Work on Building up Your Confidence
Building confidence takes time and self-exploration. But sometimes, we need to amp our self-esteem in time for that meeting in 10 minutes. With these tips, you can reboot your confidence in 10 minutes or less.
- Nod “Yes” to Yourself
- Envision Your Future Self
- Compare Yourself to Your Favorite Celebrities
- Create a Rainy Day Folder of Your Achievements
According to a University of Buffalo study. When people with low self-esteem wrote down the positive qualities they shared with their favorite same-sex celebrities, they felt more able to become their best selves.
16. Read
We’ve already established that I’m an avid reader, so it’s no surprise that I’m a huge proponent of reading.
With that said, setting aside time to read can be really intimidating. No matter what it is, if it’s a blog, fiction book, memoir, etc., reading can give you inspiration or help you see new opportunities that might be right in front of you.
For free reading material, check out your local library! The Libby App allows you to borrow eBooks, audiobooks, magazines, and more from your local library for free.
17. Talk to Someone
Loneliness is an epidemic with far-reaching consequences. Studies from the Roots of Loneliness Project found that 52 percent of Americans feel lonely. It's important to connect to your fellow human!
Whether it’s your mom, your sister, your friend, your spouse, or someone you just met in a meetup group, talk to someone.
The power of human connection is unmatched. While it can be hard to put yourself out there, it is almost always worth it when you decide to step outside your comfort zone.
Here are some ideas for meeting like-minded people:
- Join a mom’s group.
- Join a book club (virtual or in-person).
- Connect with your local library’s programming. (There are often weekly activities with all sorts of interests.)
- Attend your local college’s free lectures on topics that interest you.
- Take your work outside the house and head to a library, co-working space, or coffee shop, where you’ll likely meet people.
- Join an exercise or sports group.
- Volunteer at an organization that is meaningful to you.
- Use apps like MeetUp, Bumble BFF, or Peanut.
- Ask an acquaintance for coffee or drinks to build your relationship.
- Consider joining a civic group or club.
- Challenge yourself to be more talkative and social when you’re out and about.
