Photo by Wilhelm Gunkel on Unsplash
Getting to know people as an adult is not easy.
What are the appropriate questions to ask when you first meet someone? When should you keep questions more casual, and what are the questions to ask to get to know someone? How do you seamlessly transition from pleasantries and light banter to the meaningfully deep?
Beyond casual icebreakers and fun facts to share in social settings, we wanted to compile a list of questions to ask to get to know people in all different scenarios. For example, the questions one might ask on a date will (hopefully!) differ from those you'll ask your new coworkers or boss.
Table of Contents
- The Dos and Don'ts of Asking Personal Questions
- Questions to Ask Someone You Just Met
- Questions to Ask Someone You've Known for a While to Get to Know Them Better
- Questions to Ask Your Boss to Get to Know Them
- Questions to Ask a Colleague to Get to Know Their Working Style
- Deeper Questions to Ask to Get to Know Someone
In this article, we're exploring questions to ask to get to know someone. We'll explore the dos and don'ts of introductory conversation, the pretty much off-limits questions, and some surprising fun facts you may not have thought to ask!
We'll even explore questions to ask the people you know—like your family—so you can better know them.
Let's have some fun getting to know people.
The Dos and Don'ts of Asking Personal Questions
Before getting into the list, let's explore what to avoid asking, especially in different environments.
In the workplace, there are established illegal interview questions. These can act as a baseline for topics that should be off-limits at work. When casually exchanging information, it might be okay to ask deeper questions about religion or one's personal life, but only if they have expressed comfort in discussing these topics.
To be safe, keep in-office conversations respectful and comfortable. This means that the following topics are either off-limits or should only be discussed with expressed verbal consent.
- Religion
- Race or ethnicity
- Sexuality
- Gender
- Marital and/or family status
- Citizenship, immigration status, national origin
- Disability
- Medical or health information
To clarify, here are a few red and green lights you may encounter.
- RED LIGHT: DON'T ask your coworker "where they're from" to determine their race or ethnicity.
- GREEN LIGHT: DO ask your coworker about their children once they have shared information about them.
- RED LIGHT: DON'T ask your coworker about their dating life.
- GREEN LIGHT: DO share helpful resources with a close coworker about interesting medical advancements if you have a friendly relationship and both share an autoimmune disease.
- RED LIGHT: DON'T ask your attractive new coworker if they're single. (Come on!!!)
- GREEN LIGHT: DO ask your coworker about their wedding once they return from their honeymoon.
- RED LIGHT: DON'T ask your coworker if they are going to need "all those days off" for religious holidays
- GREEN LIGHT: DO ask your coworker who has shared their religion with you about their favorite holiday.
And, of course, keep The Platinum Rule in mind when getting to know someone. Some folks won't want to share right away. Other folks won't ever want to share anything "deep."
Pay attention to body language and the depth of answers when asking questions. Know when to back off and when you have hit a boundary.
Questions to Ask Someone You Just Met
These questions work for just about anyone. They're great ways to open conversations, identify common interests, and share memories. To be honest, I'm not too fond of the fourth question. Someone asked me about my hidden talents at a work event years ago, and I still don't have an answer.
- What do you enjoy doing in your free time?
- Are there any hobbies or activities you're particularly passionate about?
- Do you have any favorite TV shows or movies?
- Do you have any hidden talents?
- What's the most interesting place you've traveled to, and why did you go there?
- Are you a morning person or a night owl?
- What kind of music do you like? Any favorite artists or genres?
- If you could go on vacation right now—for free—where would you go?
- Do you have any pets?
- What's your favorite way to relax or unwind after a long day?
- Is there a skill or hobby you've always wanted to learn but haven't had the chance to?
- What's your favorite type of food or cuisine?
- Are you a coffee or tea person?
- Do you have any hidden talents or interesting anecdotes about yourself?
- What's something you're currently excited about in your life?
- How do you handle stress or challenges?
- What's your favorite season, and why?
- Do you have any goals or aspirations for the future?
- What was the last concert or event you attended?
- Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert?
- Do you have a favorite quote or motto that resonates with you?
- What's something about you that might surprise others?
- What is your go-to karaoke song?
- Do you have any siblings?
- What is the first item on your bucket list?
- Where would you hide in the event of a zombie apocalypse?
Questions to Ask Someone You've Known for a While to Get to Know Them Better
I am going to get a little deep here, but only for a moment. My father passed away when I was 24 years old. Years later, as an adult with my own children, there are so many things I wish I had asked him about his childhood, his beliefs, his memories, his regrets, and the list goes on.
Some of the people closest to us remain the biggest mysteries! If I could get my dad on the line for 20 minutes, I'd try not to spend the entire time exchanging puns. I'd ask him a few questions so that I had a better understanding of who he was and why. Then, I'd share that with my kids.
If you have a loved one you'd like to know deeper, try some of these questions. This could be a fun way to bond with your parents, grandparents, and even that one cousin that seems like a complete enigma.
- What is your favorite childhood memory?
- Did you have a high school superlative? What was it?
- What's the craziest thing that's ever happened to you?
- What birthday made you feel like you were finally an adult?
- Is there a skill or talent you have that few people know about?
- Have you ever had a life-changing experience, and if so, what was it?
- What are your long-term goals, and how have they evolved?
- What is a book or movie that has significantly impacted your life?
- Can you share a challenging moment in your life and how you overcame it?
- Is there a place you've always wanted to visit but haven't had the chance to yet?
- What are your values, and how do they guide your decision-making?
- What's a hobby or interest you've picked up recently that you enjoy?
- How do you define success, and do you feel like you've achieved it?
- Who has been the most influential person in your life, and why?
- If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be and why?
- What is something you've learned about yourself in the past year?
- Do you have any favorite traditions or rituals that are meaningful to you?
- What topic or subject are you passionate about that we've never discussed?
- How do you cope with stress, and has your approach changed over time?
- Is there a skill you admire in others that you would like to develop in yourself?
- What is the most memorable piece of advice you've ever received?
- How do you envision your life in the next five years?
- What is one thing you wish more people knew about you?
- What would a perfect day look like to you?
- What is/was your biggest irrational fear?
- What is your biggest regret?
- What are you most proud of (if you ask your parents), and why is it me? (JK, sort of)
- What do you think about conspiracy theories?
- Do you believe in ghosts?
Questions to Ask Your Boss to Get to Know Them
Have you ever wondered what the heck is up with your boss? Maybe your boss is a bit of a frustrating anomaly to you, and you just don't "get" them.
Or perhaps your boss is an incredible powerhouse that you endlessly admire. Whatever the case, if you have access to your boss (and I think you should) ask them some questions to get to know them better.
I don't want to generalize here, but many bosses love the opportunity to talk about themselves. We also have another article, 20 Questions to Ask Your New Boss, that is guaranteed to start off any employer/employee relationship on the right foot!
- What led you to pursue a career in our industry?
- How would you describe your leadership style?
- What was your first job?
- What was your worst job, and how did it affect your working style?
- What are your expectations for my role in the team?
- Did you have a boss or a mentor that impacted your career?
- What was your dream job growing up?
- What is the most exciting thing about your position here?
- Can you share a bit about your background and career journey?
- What are the key priorities for the team/department in the coming months?
- How do you prefer to communicate with your team?
- What do you consider to be your biggest strength as a leader?
- Do you value any specific work habits or practices in team members?
- How do you handle feedback, and is there a preferred way you like to receive feedback from your team?
- What are the most significant challenges you see for our team/department right now?
- How do you encourage professional development within the team?
- What is your preferred approach to solving problems or making decisions?
- Are there any particular team traditions or rituals that you find valuable?
- How do you balance work and life outside of the office?
- How can I support you and the team in achieving our goals?
- What is your vision for the team's success in the long term?
- Do you have any advice for success within the company or industry?
- How do you handle conflicts within the team?
- Are there any specific resources or tools you recommend for someone in my role?
- What are some of your favorite team achievements or success stories?
Questions to Ask a Colleague to Get to Know Their Working Style
Wouldn't it be amazing to have a crystal ball that showed you the preferred work style of everyone you work alongside? It turns out you don't need one!
We're taking a step back with this section. These questions are probably not for happy hour or a weekend social gathering, but they can help you to work better alongside your colleagues.
Some of these questions resemble common interview questions because they serve the same purpose. Ask these questions to determine how to communicate, delegate, problem-solve, and work according to everyone's strengths.
In our opinion, every team should have their employees ask and answer these questions. It helps everyone to understand each other and work better together—hopefully from day one!
- How do you typically organize and prioritize your tasks?
- Do you listen to music or podcasts while working? If so, what do you like to listen to?
- Do you have a morning routine?
- What time of day do you feel most productive, and when do you prefer to tackle more routine tasks?
- Do you prefer to work independently or in a collaborative setting?
- What tools or software do you find most helpful in managing your workload?
- How do you handle tight deadlines or high-pressure situations?
- Do you like to plan everything out in advance, or do you prefer adapting to situations as they arise?
- What is your preferred method of communication for work-related matters (email, in-person, messaging, etc.)?
- How do you approach problem-solving within a team setting?
- Are you more detail-oriented or prefer focusing on the big picture?
- How do you like to receive feedback, and how often?
- What role do breaks or downtime play in your workday?
- How do you manage work-life balance, and do you have any specific rituals to help you transition between work and personal life?
- Are you comfortable multitasking or prefer to concentrate on one task at a time?
- How do you adapt to changes in project scope or unexpected challenges?
- What motivates you to stay engaged and enthusiastic about your work?
- How do you handle disagreements or conflicts within a team?
- What role do meetings play in your workflow, and how do you prefer them to be structured?
- Are you someone who prefers to have regular check-ins or prefers more autonomy in your work?
- How do you celebrate achievements or milestones in your work?
- What is your approach to staying organized and managing your time effectively?
Deeper Questions to Ask to Get to Know Someone
Ready to get to the next level or have a really interesting conversation? The following questions are great to dive deeper into someone's core values and beliefs.
These are probably not questions for an icebreaker purpose. They're not meant to be asked at 8 am before anyone has had their coffee. Ask these questions once you've established a relationship and once you've identified a mutual interest to get to know each other better.
Pro tip: If you try out one of these questions and it falls flat, don't rattle off more questions. Some people aren't receptive to probing questions, especially in the workplace, and that's fine.
- What's your first memory?
- Would you describe yourself as a dreamer or a doer?
- Do you enjoy alone time or socializing more?
- What is your passion in life, and how did you discover it?
- If you became a world leader with the ultimate power to pass any law, what would be the first law you passed?
- What three prized possessions would you grab if your house was on fire?
- Can you share a challenging experience that has shaped who you are today?
- What values are most important to you, and how do they influence your decisions?
- If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be and why?
- What does success mean to you, and how do you measure it in your own life?
- Is there a specific book, movie, or piece of art that has profoundly impacted you?
- How do you handle adversity and setbacks in your life?
- What are your long-term goals, and how do you plan to achieve them?
- If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?
- What are your thoughts on personal growth, and how do you actively pursue it?
- What role does gratitude play in your life, and how do you cultivate it?
- How do you navigate and maintain important relationships in your life?
- What is your philosophy on happiness, and how do you pursue it?
- Can you share a moment in your life when you felt truly fulfilled and content?
- What are your favorite ways to give back to your community or the world?
- If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be and why?
- How do you balance work, personal life, and self-care in your daily routine?
- What are some of the most important lessons you've learned from your past experiences?
- Do you believe in fate, or do you think people have more control over their lives?
- How do you define and cultivate a sense of purpose in your life?
- What superpower would you like to have?
- What are your biggest pet peeves?
- Do you love or hate the idea of a surprise party?
