What to Do With a Passive-Aggressive Boss

Those are just a few of the thoughts that might crawl through your head when you're dealing with a passive-aggressive boss. This leaves you open to feelings of impostor syndrome, decreased confidence, and lowered motivation. 

You find yourself dissecting emails and simple commands, and the confidence you once had in your ability, in your talents, starts to dwindle. 

These are just a few examples of the effects a passive-aggressive boss has on the workplace. If you're dealing with a passive-aggressive boss, it's likely that your colleagues are, too. 

Table of Contents

The Psychology of the Passive-Aggressive Boss 

When you can't understand why someone behaves in a certain way, a good first step is looking into the possible psychology.

It's hard to call passive-aggressive a "leadership style," especially since it's so decidedly un-stylish. However, some leaders use passive-aggression as a big part of their leadership approach—whether or not they're aware.

A passive-aggressive person is hard enough to deal with, but when it's your boss, it can undermine all of your confidence. 

As we've been exploring some of the worst types of bosses, we're also trying to dig deeper to find out why this is happening, whether a little empathy could act as a salve, and how to avoid dealing with toxic bosses if there is no recourse. 

So, let's explore the passive-aggressive boss. 

According to Psychology Today, passive-aggressive leaders behave in ways that "subtly reflect their negative of aggressive thoughts or feelings...to protect themselves or to cause harm to others."

These thoughts or feelings aren't directly communicated. Instead, they rely on the recipient to infer what was really meant by a statement that might have been sarcastic, derisive, or downright disrespectful. 

3 Common Root Causes of Passive-Aggressive Behavior 

We're not psychologists, so we turned to VeryWellMind for these three common causes of workplace-specific passive-aggressive behavior. Do any of these look familiar?

1. Upbringing

Yes, a person's upbringing can often be the root cause of many communication breakdown issues, especially when it comes to expressing displeasure or other uncomfortable emotions.

They may have experienced rejection or indifference from their own family—and they may have been taught that emotions are best unseen and unheard.

Often, passive-aggressive types, for one reason or another, were taught that outwardly displaying emotions is incorrect. As a coping mechanism, they passively channel emotions like fear, anger, or frustration into a derisive quip. 

This behavior often allows the passive-aggressive person a version of workplace plausible deniability, too. 

For Example:

Imagine you make a huge mistake at work, and you're working towards fixing it. As you deal with all of the problems, your boss walks by and says something like, "Wow, you're really our biggest star player here," and walks away. 

They didn't say anything negative. In fact, a passerby with no knowledge of what's going on might even think your boss was complimenting you. 

This is the type of toxic (and honestly, hostile) behavior that makes passive-aggressive people frustrating—and a bit scary to work alongside. 

2. Situational Characteristics

The workplace is a real situation, on a daily basis. If your workplace is the kind of place that places importance on honest and open communication, then it's unlikely that passive-aggressive behavior is allowed to stand. 

However, if your workplace does not allow for displays of emotion, a person looking to express anger might use passive-aggressive feedback to communicate displeasure to employees or coworkers. 

3. It's Easy to Be Mean 

Many folks find it easier to ignore problems and let them fester instead of fostering open communication. As such, in the event of an issue, a passive-aggressive person would find it much easier to launch a veiled insult than to examine what happened and why. 

Passive-aggressive people also tend to be silently suffering from their own feelings of depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions. Their negative behavior and hostile attitude simply act as a mask over their own symptoms. 

For these three reasons, having a passive-aggressive boss may allow for negative feelings to spread and fester throughout an entire organization. 

Common Passive-Aggressive Comments 

It might come as no big surprise that some of the most toxic behaviors are a sign of an overall toxic work culture. Once a workplace is that "infected," our advice is usually to hit the road, or at least to be on guard. 

Backhanded Compliments

In our experience, the backhanded compliment is the signature move. 

These "compliments" wrap their hostility and feelings of upset into a faux compliment. This type of passive-aggressive behavior can range in hostility.

Agreeable in the Streets, and a Backstabber in the Boardroom

Another example of passive-aggressive behavior is the portrayal of an agreeable nature. This is the type of person who will assure you that everything is fine, good, or great. However, when you're in a room with their bosses, the story changes drastically. Suddenly, you're being sabotaged on a public stage. 

These types of bosses may also create intentional mistakes to make others look bad or use procrastination as a form of sabotage. This is especially dangerous behavior from a boss, whose position of power makes it feel impossible to do anything. These are definitely traits of an extremely toxic boss. 

The Silent or Close-to-Silent Treatment

There's a reason you used the silent treatment against your brother in childhood. It works.

The silent treatment is a powerful tool—and it's absolutely terrifying when it's used against you. The silent reaction at work is an absolute trademark of passive-aggressive communication is this dedicated unwillingness to fix a problem or manage their own bad feelings 

A boss who puts silence above cooperation might just have an actual passive-aggressive personality disorder diagnosis. 

10 Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior + How to Shut Them Down

Before we dive into this part, we need to insert a little disclaimer. When dealing with passive-aggressive behavior, the blame is not on you. 

Remember This: Passive aggressiveness is designed to make you feel bad—to displace whatever shortcomings or frustrations your manager is feeling onto you. 

It's a dirty tactic, and it's effective, especially for a boss looking to keep their "authority" neatly in place. Try not to let it cause you anxiety when it comes to your performance or your work. 

1. Thinly-Veiled Complaints (or Compliments!) 

These are usually used as compliments, like the example we used above. Instead of outwardly expressing displeasure, a passive-aggressive boss might say something like, "No, Denise, I am absolutely thrilled you lost that account. In fact, I think I might give you a raise."

This sort of behavior, especially when performed in front of other team members, is poised to humiliate and demean. 

We'd classify this as hostile behavior—and we wouldn't want anybody to have to endure this. You can choose to reply by asking your boss to clarify a rude comment, take this behavior directly to Human Resources, or get out of there. A "leader" who speaks this way is going to encounter many, many problems. 

2. Sarcasm 

Sarcasm can be fun! However, if your boss is constantly sarcastic, it can begin to blur the lines. Any great organization needs to have clear communication. 

Sarcasm often obfuscates the point—and it's not a leadership tool (unless it's used for camaraderie). 

Depending on the nature of the sarcastic comment, ask your boss to clarify what they mean. Do so without tone, which is easier said than done. This ask should prompt your boss to offer more clear instruction. Although, you might want to be prepared for this to unlock another layer of sarcastic comments. 

3. Dismissiveness 

Dismissiveness is a hallmark trait of a passive-aggressive boss. In its essence, passive-aggression is a tool used to encase something uncomfortable in a quick quip. It's avoidance. 

Some common passive-aggressive dismissive phrases are:

If dismissiveness is the problem, get louder. Write emails clearly outlining what you need to know. Ask questions in meetings, when others are around to hear. Find space to connect with your boss to make sure you have the clarity and tools that you need to succeed. 

4. Bullying

Many of the points on this list of passive-aggressive behaviors, especially when used together, are straight from the school ground bully's playbook. You know what bullying looks like in the workplace. Do not let it stand.

Make sure there's a paper trail. Report your boss. Leave.

5. Excuses

This passive-aggressive behavior is unfortunately somewhat commonplace among weaker bosses. This is the type of boss that will make sure blame never falls squarely on their heads. Instead, when something goes wrong, they assign their scapegoat. 

This is an extremely effective way for a passive-aggressive boss to ensure that their employees feel the imbalance of power. Specifically, it's the way a bad boss ensures that their employees (their "subordinates") are plagued by insecurity and fear. 

If you're being scapegoated and you know you didn't do anything wrong, consider having a conversation with your boss about expectations. Making them outline what exactly you did "wrong," could make it even more apparent that you, well, didn't. If the passive-aggressiveness is beyond being able to effecively communicate at all, it might might be time to talk to HR. Or to quit. 

6. Insults 

We don't have to explain insults, because you know what these are. The passive-aggressive boss likely also has an arsenal of microaggressions to throw at their employees—to highlight their race, creed, gender, parental status, or even financial status. 

Get them out of there—or get yourself out. 

7. Silent Treatment 

If your boss is giving you the cold shoulder, you're experiencing a signature passive-aggressive move. 

Maybe this is a "good" thing? If they're usually the type to dole out passive-aggressive comments, take advantage of the silence. If you know you haven't done anything wrong (and if your boss isn't totally hostile or toxic), put your energy toward your work and not their attitude—your boss is likely to come out of their "funk" sooner rather than later.

That said, if you've been continuously bullied or are consistently the victim of your boss's passive-aggressive actions (and silence is one of them, as it can impact your ability to do your job), it's time to take it to HR. 

8. Digital Aggression 

Is your boss kind to your face only to send an eviscerating email from 12 feet away minutes later? 

A passive-aggressive boss might only be so in person. Once they get to their keyboards, they pounce—writing detailed missives about what everyone is doing wrong. If this is your boss, they are doing everyone a disservice—especially themselves, as they create a paper trail of their toxic behavior. 

Keep the paper trail. 

Forward all of these emails to your personal address. As with any of these situations, if your boss is personally targeting you, do not stand for it. Keep yourself safe by seeking advice from HR, your boss's superior, or by resigning. 

9. Qualified Praise 

"Well, sure you got the client, but did I notice you wore a lot of makeup to that meeting, or was I imagining something?"

This is the type of passive-aggressive behavior that is directed at someone successful. The problem is that the boss is actually jealous of their employee. 

Call them out, report, or leave. This is obscenely inappropriate. 

10. Public Humiliation 

Okay, this is a really gross one, but we've seen it play out. This is when a passive-aggressive boss takes a public opportunity to lash out (but, you know, without actually lashing out) at an employee or employees who have done something to displease them. 

This is not okay. When being called out publicly, one would hope that another coworker would come to your defense, but it's rarely the case.

In fact, part of the reason passive-aggressive behavior is allowed to fly in some workplaces is that it's "better" than its alternative, outright rage. 

If you suspect this is the case in your workplace, get out. 

How to Respond to Common Passive-Aggressive Comments 

As Psychology Today explains, passive-aggressive behavior in the workplace can be the route folks take to express emotions that are hierarchically speaking, not "safe" to express. 

"A boss, frustrated by the quality of an employee's work, would violate both written and unwritten policies by giving that employee completely candid feedback. In the workplace, employees must choose their words with extreme care—making it an ideal environment for passive aggression."

So, how do we respond to passive-aggressive comments that aren't indicative of the whole culture, but that still chip away at your self-esteem and motivation? 

1. Answer at Face Value

Neutralize a passive-aggressive comment by responding as if the comment were made sincerely. 

We're not saying to go "tit for tat," but accepting what they're saying at face value has a double-pronged effect. It also shows you that whatever anger they are channeling actually has little to do with you anyway. It allows you to refuse to take their energy on yourself. 

2. Ignore It 

Okay, ignoring your boss is tricky, but passive-aggressive comments are rarely invites for serious dialogue. Consider ignoring a passive-aggressive comment—as if it never happened. 

3. Ask for Clarification 

Just like our face value tip, asking for clarification is an "innocent" way to call out the behavior. It's sort of like hearing a joke and asking why it's funny. 

When you ask for clarification, it can highlight the behavior (and maybe even embarrass the offending party!) or invite real communication around an issue. 

4. Address It 

If you feel compelled, by all means, go for it. It can be intimidating to "go" up against your boss, but inappropriate behavior is inappropriate—for everyone. 

Address it by asking questions like, "Is that comment necessary?" "Do you really mean that?" or "Are you masking your anger with a joke at my expense? I prefer to communicate more directly."