35+ Ways to Deal With Difficult Coworkers

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Why You Must Deal With Difficult Coworkers

Knowing how to deal with a difficult coworker is an important life and career skill. You might count some of your colleagues as friends, but you probably also have a few you would consider "difficult." 

Learning how to manage conflicts can help you maintain a healthier and happier work environment. As you learn to accept or confront their behaviors, you can begin to focus on yourself and those you enjoy more.

5 Common Types of Difficult Coworkers

The list of difficult coworker "types" could be never-ending since humans and our behaviors are always evolving. However, for the sake of keeping this article concise, we've narrowed it down to a list of five. And that doesn't include bad boss types which you can read about here. Let's jump to our list and how to (almost) deal with each one.

The Negative Coworker

This one always has something negative to say, no matter what. True, it can be helpful to have a critical thinker on the team who plays devil’s advocate, but far too often this person is quick to criticize without offering up solutions.

A negative coworker tends to focus on—you guessed it—the negative instead of working towards solutions. 

If you hear someone constantly bringing everyone down by saying, “I know the prospective client isn’t going to sign with us,” or “We’re definitely going to lose that client,” you know you’re working with a negative coworker.

How to Deal

When this person raises problems (and you know they will), ask them for more details.

Why won’t the client sign? What’s going on there? Press them to fully describe the problem and ask them to provide a solution. They may raise some valid points, so never ignore what they have to say or write them off.

The Overly-Competitive Coworker

Do you remember the person in class who would repeatedly ask for your notes, yet not return the favor if you asked them for help? This is the grown-up version of that person.

Someone who is overly competitive may try to sabotage other people and throw them under the bus. They will climb over others if it helps them get to the top, and they may even try to take credit for your work.

Having a competitive coworker can be an advantage if they're competitive in the right way for their industry such as in law, PR, or sales. Healthy competition in the workplace can even encourage people to work harder. However, it’s a problem if the person is overly competitive with other people at work and doesn’t ever offer to help.

A company is a team, and everyone should work together to contribute to the success of the organization…but that doesn’t always happen.

How to Deal

Competitive coworkers may be insecure, leading them to feel threatened by your success. Try to show this person that you want to work with them, not against them.

Collaborate with them, but make sure to leave a paper, or carbon copy, trail indicating that you worked on projects. You don’t want them to take the credit for your ideas or killer presentation.

In the meantime, focus on yourself and doing the best job you can do in the workplace.

Don’t be derailed by their competitive nature, and don’t try to engage in it. If most of the people in your company are aggressive, consider whether this is the type of environment where you will work best. Some people thrive in competitive environments and others don’t.

The Gossip

When people spend time together at work, there is bound to be a grapevine with “the office gossip” at the forefront of it. They want to know everything that’s happening and may divulge information you share with them in confidence to others.

This person always wants to be "in the know" and likes to have a juicy story to share. They may ask you questions under the auspices of being considerate or thoughtful, but deep down they may want to use your answers to undermine you.

How to Deal

Don’t feed into this person’s questions. They may ask who you dislike at work in a roundabout way like, “So what do you really think of Susan’s presentation?”

If this person tries to engage you in gossip about yourself, your manager, or other coworkers, politely leave the conversation. Tell them you’d rather not talk about it or pretend you don’t have any opinions on the subject.

Don’t get sucked into the gossip. There is a good chance that this person will share what you said with other people, and that can have major ramifications.

The Bully

Have you ever been the recipient of a mean work email that either made you want to cry, quit, or a combination of both?

You may be dealing with an office bully. Unfortunately, bullying doesn’t end after middle school or high school—bullies can be found in the workplace too.

This type of person is downright nasty. They pick on people, blame others, or tattle when it isn’t necessary to do so. They may be unable to handle confrontational conversations without acting mean and saying something inappropriate.

How to Deal

Personally, I think that the best way to deal with a workplace bully is to try to ignore them altogether.

If possible, don’t engage with them. If you have to engage with them, hold onto the mean emails you get and note the times when their behavior was truly inappropriate. You may have to schedule a time to speak to HR about the situation.

However, keep in mind that if the bully finds out it was you who brought them up, there is a chance that they may retaliate. If your workplace has multiple bullies (or you have to work with them frequently), you may even want to start looking for another job.

Dealing with a bully can be psychologically damaging, and being miserable each day may negatively affect your work.

The Work Shirker

If you’ve ever worked on a group project at school, you know that there is usually someone who pushes off work and tries to get the rest of the team to carry their weight.

Unfortunately, this behavior still occurs in the workplace. Someone who pushes off work may ask you to help them or finish their projects, leave before something is finished, or try to get out of the assignment altogether.

Coworkers who truly need help should be helped—you’re working as part of a team, after all!—but if this person continually tries to get you to “help,” AKA “do all of their work,” it might be time to push back.

How to Deal

Speak to them one-on-one and explain the parts of the project you are working on.

Show that you need to finish your sections before you can help with another part. At the end of the day, you are responsible for getting your work done. It can be problematic for both you—as well as the project overall—if you can’t finish because you are busy assisting with someone else’s workload.

How to Deal With Difficult Coworkers (35+ Ways)

We've been fortunate enough over the years to talk to a variety of career coaches, conflict experts, and real people working with difficult people to get their best tips and tricks. In no particular order, here are several ways to deal with a difficult coworker.

1. Understand Their Personality

Start by understanding who you're dealing with. What makes the other person tick? What motivates them? How do they respond to feedback in general?

2. Determine Their Preferred Communication Style

We all have a communication style (and leadership style) we prefer. If you keep trying to confront someone who hates in-person confrontation, you aren't going to get very far. Use this communication guide with your team and try to approach any conversations with your difficult coworker in their preferred style. 

3. Control Your Tone of Voice

Can we make a suggestion? Pay attention to your tone of voice during your interactions. Are you defensive? Does your body language show your true emotions? One way to "turn down the heat" of a situation is to make sure your tone is one of curiosity, not anger.

4. Consider Their Perspective—First

You already know your perspective and you're ready to defend it; however, a productive start to any discussion is trying to understand the perspective of the other person—first. You're going to have to step outside your own comfort zone, ask questions, and listen to the other person before you start to form your own opinion.

5. Timing Matters

Consider the timing and location before you engage in a dialogue with the difficult person. In the public hallway at work right after a heated meeting, for example, is probably not going to produce the best outcome.

Consider setting up a private time to meet. If you strategically pick and choose your tough conversations, you will increase your chances of a better outcome when addressing colleagues who don't deal with disagreements in the most rational ways.

6. Examine Your Own Behavior

Take a step back and consider the role you're playing in the relationship. Be honest with yourself and examine your own behaviors, tone, body language, etc.

7. Share Your Experience With a Trusted Ally or Mentor

It can be helpful to get some feedback on a situation from a trusted mentor or ally before you engage in what might be a tough conversation. Not only can you get some clarity on what your next step should be, but they might be able to offer you critical feedback on your own actions or biases.

8. Schedule a Private Conversation

We mentioned timing earlier, but it's worth repeating. Most people do not appreciate (or respond in a productive way) to being publicly shamed, embarrassed, or confronted. You’re way better off waiting for an opportunity when this individual is not being “difficult” and communicating in a non-confrontational way. You want to understand their perspective while sharing your own as an alternative so you two can reach a mutual conclusion.

Pick a place that's private and just the two of you unless it requires a manager or HR representative to be present. 

9. Practice Empathy

Empathy is an essential workplace "soft skill" for a reason—it helps you create more successful outcomes for yourself. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes and consider their side. For example, is this person only difficult for you? Are you also difficult to this person?

10. Come from a Place of Curiosity

In addition to the last tip about empathy, practice coming from a place of curiosity—not defensiveness. Listening is one of the most important skills at work, yet very few of us are actually good at it.

11. Name the Specific Issue—And Address It Quickly

One way to address conflict productively is by being as specific as possible about what the issue is. When you're too vague or try to include too many issues into one conversation, it all gets lost and confusing. You'll be more successful if you can point to a specific issue, provide an example (visuals help!), and address it within 24 hours of it happening. When you bring up something that is still bothering you six months later, there's a high chance that nothing will get resolved.

12. Know Your Own Trigger Points

A lot of dealing with difficult people also comes down to knowing yourself. What's your personality type and, especially, what are your triggers? Did this person respond to you in a way that triggers some strong emotions? What might seem at first to be their fault, really turns out to be a much bigger emotion that you are working to better manage.

It doesn't mean you can't bring up these trigger points to the other person and ask them to help you by editing their responses, it just means that in your conversation you're taking responsibility for your own emotions.

13. If Needed, Limit Your Interactions

If you have brought up your trigger points and made some specific asks of the person that are repeatedly ignored, then it might be best for you to find ways to limit your interactions. If you can't eliminate your interactions altogether, can you find alternatives that help you?

14. Treat the Difficult Person With Compassion

Believe it or not, you will go much further in your life—and in dealing with this difficult person—if you treat them with compassion, kindness, and respect. You can try practicing some self-compassion at the same time.

15. Set Boundaries + Enforce Them

Many of us confuse boundaries with something mean or something only a mean boss would do. Boundaries are good for you and the people you work with. They let everyone know what they can expect from you and what you expect in return. When you set clear boundaries and enforce them consistently, it can help mitigate difficult work situations in general. 

16. Be Accountable for Dealing With the Difficult Coworker

If you plan on addressing an issue with a coworker, then make sure you follow through on it. Stay accountable for dealing with conflict and finding productive ways to engage in conflict resolutions. Ignoring or pretending you are fine when things most definitely are not okay only leads to bigger emotions piling up and resentment brewing.

17. Evaluate + Control Your Actions

Do an honest self-evaluation and consider what role your actions play in this coworker relationship. Could your communication skills be better? Are there circumstances that they don't have control over and you're blaming them? Does your lack of time management make you miss their deadlines which are leading them to lots of last-minute work?

You can't control the environment or the other person's actions, but you can control your own actions.

18. Voice Your Thoughts in a Productive Way

Part of learning how to be better at conflict resolution is also learning how to voice your own thoughts. When sharing how the difficult colleague makes you feel, use "I" language so they better understand your perspective. Using "you" language may make it difficult for them to accept responsibility for their actions. Here's an example of "I" versus "you" language:

"I feel upset when you talk over me." vs. "You always interrupt me."

19. If Needed, Track Specific Interactions

What happens if you're dealing with a difficult boss or a person who has influence over your career? Our best advice is to keep a paper trail and track specific interactions.

You'll go further in your conversations if you can point to specific times when the boss interrupted the flow of work or played favorites among team members. This is also a good idea for any person you're consistently butting heads with. 

20. Treat Your Conversation Like a Collaboration

While your coworker's behavior may feel anything but collaborative, you two can likely come to a mutually beneficial outcome. Start by getting a better understanding of where they are coming from with the specific issue you two are in disagreement on. Next, learn what they would like to have you do. For example:

21. Create a Mutual Plan For Moving Forward

Unless you want to remain in constant conflict with this difficult coworker causing all sorts of difficult situations for you, might we recommend an actual plan for moving forward?! All jokes aside, after you two have discussed your issues, keep the conversation open by inquiring how you can solve it together.

Sometimes there might not be a path forward, but most of the time there is. Consider what both of you can commit to doing to improve the situation. If there isn't a path forward—at least not a clear one—then what boundaries can you both commit to? How can you ensure you skip office politics and have respectful interactions that reduce any friction moving forward? 

22. Stay Neutral + Don't Bring in Other Employees

Do your best not to air your grievances to your peers or try to make them dislike the other person. We know it's tempting to repeat your conversation line-by-line to your work bestie or send messages online on a daily basis about how that person annoys you, but it really hurts team morale and is a quick way to create a toxic work environment. It's not professional, and it's not productive.  

23. Follow-Up After Your Initial Discussion

In order to keep the resolution, plan to follow up with the difficult coworker after your initial conversation. Do you two need to make any changes to your original plan for moving forward? It's a good idea to meet in person (or virtually on-screen) and send an email recap as well.

24. Focus on Your Work

Don't let this one issue or one person keep you from focusing on your work. If the quality of your work starts to suffer because of this person, it's time time to get management involved.

25. Clarify Team Roles + Responsibilities

When people know what is expected of them and the structure of the team, they often work better. Make sure there is clarity about each person's role on the team and what they are in charge of. Oftentimes, conflict on a team comes down to miscommunications—and misunderstandings about team roles.

26. Create a Team Feedback Structure

Creating a way for team members and bosses to give frequent feedback in safe, productive ways is one of the best tools for having less conflict in a team in general. Not to mention, employees often cite "feedback" as something they want more of in the workplace.

27. Review Work Communication Platforms

Does your team know when they should send an email vs. host a meeting? Do they know what's expected of them for communication responses and what platform? Especially if your team uses a variety of tools like Slack, Microsoft Teams, Zoom, etc., this structure helps mitigate communication gaps.

28. Don't Be a "Right" Fighter

Don't be the person at work who refuses to admit their mistakes or argues their point just because they have to be right. That behavior is what is making you the difficult person in these scenarios.

29. Be Assertive but Not Rude

Advocate for what you want and what you need—without being rude about it. People will respect this approach and they will be less likely to push your boundaries.

30. Separate Your Personal Feelings from the Situation

Don't take it personally. This is some of the hardest advice to accept but also one of the best ways prevent workplace conflicts from ruling your day. Become a person who is not offended by everything and doesn't read into all emotions.

31. Focus on Positive Relationships

When you're dealing with a difficult person at work, it can be hard to focus on anything else. Here's an idea: Focus on the positive relationships you do have at work and build on those. Focus on creating a support network for yourself.

32. Manage Your Expectations

One of the best ways to be disappointed is with unrealistic expectations. We are a bunch of humans working together, and it's unrealistic to think you will never butt heads with someone.

33. Have an Exit Plan Ready

When you're trying to limit your interactions with someone, develop a few plans for exiting conversations. 

Having an excuse to avoid a tough coworker can be beneficial. Whether you make up a phone call or keep headphones on to signal you can't talk, spend as little time as possible with the challenging coworker. When individuals feel they are not being heard, they give up.

34. Talk to Your Boss

Sometimes you've left no alternative but to talk to your boss and share the details. Maybe the person is breaking company policies or impacting your work in a negative way. Your supervisor or human resources department is who you'll turn to.

Start by documenting their actions and behaviors so you have proof of what they have been doing. The goal here is that your boss or HR should find ways to resolve this conflict and make you feel safe and respected at work.

35. Articulate How Their Behavior Impacts Your Work

Going off of the last tip, make sure you're specifically sharing how their behavior is having a negative impact on your work. Show proof and examples.

36. Learn How to Take Critical Feedback

This is a great life lesson in general, but learn how to take critical feedback in a way that allows you to grow and learn.

37. Learn How to Give Effective Feedback

Equally important is learning how to give effective feedback to both your teammates and your manager.

38. Be Optimistic

Having the right attitude at the start will help get your relationship with your coworker to a good place. If you assume nothing will work from the start, you're setting up to fail.

When + How to Talk to Management

If you feel like you've tried everything and have exhausted your efforts, it's time to escalate things to your boss. Before you randomly pop into their office, come prepared with the following:

The Bottom Line

Hopefully, these tips will help you deal with difficult people at work. But keep in mind that if you find yourself needing to use the “how to (almost) deal” strategies more often than not, it is probably wise to start looking for a new role.

Life’s too short to work at a job that is full of (almost) situations.