For many women, becoming a mother equals a career crossroads.
If you’re privileged enough to have options, you might wonder: Do I “lean in” or scale back? Look for part-time work or take extra gigs to pay for diapers? Stick it out with my company or trade a traditional job for one requiring nursery rhymes and tummy time?
Motherhood can stall or derail a career—and for some women it does—but I’m lucky it reinvigorated mine.
Make no mistake, my road back to work was filled with potholes. The first month on the job after maternity leave was miserable. My angelic baby boy, who previously took bottles like a champ and dozed for hours, set one foot in daycare and promptly went on strike. He rejected their bottles in favor of late-night nursing. He cried at the top of his lungs whenever he entered his crib. No one in our house was sleeping at night, not even the dog.
As I reacclimated to my full-time job, I was depressed, hormonal, and barely functioning. I was tempted to resign out of sheer exhaustion. Instead, I persevered. And more than a year later, I’m glad I did—because becoming a mom advanced my career in ways I never expected.
Editor's Note: This article was originally published before the COVID-19 pandemic. We understand that working motherhood has a slew of new challenges and demands. Working mothers are everything.
I spent less time at the office but got more done
Before I had my son, I could always log a few late nights in the office to manage my workload when it was heavy. After I returned to work, I was juggling set drop-off and pick-up times for daycare and baby’s “bedtime,” and I no longer had that flexibility. Due to my son’s sleep struggles, squeezing in extra work at home—even on the weekends—was a challenge. I worried how I’d get everything done.
The new constraints on my time forced me to take a hard look at my work habits. I began by prioritizing my essential, deadline-driven work and turned down any projects/meetings I could without committing career suicide. I spent less time chatting with coworkers and going out to lunch. I worked from home once a week and used that time to focus on major projects.
This was hard. I had major relationship FOMO when I scaled back on socializing at work. But the changes I made? They worked. And when my child started sleeping peacefully through the night (many months later), my next-level productivity really paid off—I rarely had to work outside of my office hours.
Statistically speaking, I’m in good company. According to a 2014 study from the Federal Bank Reserve of St. Louis, working moms consistently outperformed their childless coworkers. Those with two children performed even better.
My family commitment made me more committed to my career—and company
Doing well at work has always been important to me, but my drive to succeed only deepened after I had a little one to think about. Now I’m inspired to do well at work because I need to provide for him, and because I want to set a positive example. Being separated from my son during the day is harder than I ever imagined, but stepping away from my career completely would have been hard, too. This ongoing struggle has helped crystalize my conviction to work at a job I love.
Even though I feel more committed than ever, I’m aware implicit bias is working against me—and other mothers in the workplace. Working mothers are judged as less competent and less committed to their jobs, the Longest Shortest Time podcast reported in its series, #ItsaRealMother. This is so not OK—we can and should do better. As women, we need to lead the way in supporting other women, including the mothers we work alongside.
I’m grateful to work for a company that values mothers. Flexible working arrangements, executives who are mothers, a great lactation room, and a moms' group at my company made it easier for me to transition back to work. I’d always known my company was family-friendly, but I’m even more loyal now since I benefit from a company culture that embraces motherhood.
I found new friends—and mentors—in other working mothers
I’ll never forget the day I accidentally bumped into one of the older moms in HR. I was rounding a corner, distracted by issues at work and at home. I mumbled an apology, wiping tears from my eyes when she looked at me and gently asked what was wrong. As I confessed my conundrum, she listened empathetically, then recounted a similar story in her life. At that moment, I felt known, supported, and empowered to address the conflict I was stewing over.
My guardian angel in HR isn’t the only mother who’s helped me. Friends who became mothers before me, members of my office moms' group, and even famous moms who are open about the joys and difficulties of parenting remind me I’m doing just fine.
This unexpected point of connection with other mothers has been an oasis as I made the difficult transition back to work, which writer and mother Lauren Smith Brody dubbed “the fifth trimester” in her book by the same name.
I could not have coped during this emotionally draining time without the women who encouraged me even though I felt as if I were drowning. This included seasoned mothers as well as newer ones. Relationships blossomed, and some even turned into future collaborations. But they all made working motherhood feel less lonely and more manageable.
Giving birth to my son birthed a new wellspring of creativity within me
I was not prepared for the ways my sense of self would shift after giving birth. This included my career vision.
I spent my days editing and writing others’ stories, but suddenly I had personal stories burning within me that I had to tell. In the free margins of my days (which were limited in year one of my son’s life), I pitched and submitted a handful of articles (most of which were rejected) and posted stories on my fledgling personal blog. Even though my efforts felt pretty insignificant, slowly, but surely, I was making progress by making things, regardless of the outcome. I was gathering up the creative energy I’d gained from this new stage of life and channeling it into the skill I’ll be perpetually honing for my career—writing.
I also became a more creative problem-solver at home: I’ve learned how to perfect a blowout whilst soothing a teething, cranky toddler and ways to entertain him for half an hour with only a bag of diaper wipes, crayons, and an extra pair of socks. This new level of comfort with problem-solving has actually given me the confidence to propose or apply creative solutions to ongoing problems at work.
I started dreaming big
After landing a job I loved a couple years ago, I pressed pause on my career aspirations. I felt as though I’d finally made it. I was working for an organization I loved, getting paid to do what I love.
Motherhood sparked a desire to consider what’s next in my career, two, five, and ten years down the road. Maybe it’s because I realize as my son grows older, I’m growing older too (even though I definitely still feel like I’m not a real grown-up). Maybe it’s because I know I have to advance my career if I want to boost my earnings over time.
I didn’t know where to start, so I hired my first life coach, which has provided me encouragement, insight, and accountability as I pursue new goals in my career and elsewhere. I’m learning to tune into that little voice inside me that longs to do as much good as I can with the gifts I’ve been given.
Listen, ladies—most days, parenting and working full-time, trying to stay healthy, have a clean home and good relationships, and maybe even a side hustle feels like an impossible predicament. It’s not easy or pretty. And it’s definitely not always balanced. But right now, I’m choosing to focus on the growth I’ve gained. Becoming a mom has been great for my career.
The best twist in this journey? The hours I log pursuing my vocation and providing for my family help me really savor the moments I spend with my son. Working has made me more patient, loving, present, and grateful when I’m on the job as a mother—one career that lasts a lifetime.
