Hey bestie, I noticed there's a job opening at your company. Can you hook a BFF up?
How would it feel to get a text like this from your best friend?
We all love our best friends, but that doesn't mean we want to live with them or work with them. When your friend asks you to provide an in-house recommendation, you probably cycle through a few emotions.
At first, you’re excited because you care about your friend and want them to find a good job, but then reality starts to sink in. As friends, we’re expected to do everything we can to help each other out.
But what if you’re uncertain whether your friend is the right candidate? Here are a few best approaches for those tricky situations.
The Pros and Cons of Close Work Friendships
There are both drawbacks and benefits of workplace friendships. A friend can lend you encouragement, understanding, and good, long belly laughs at work. On the other hand, what could happen to that bond when one friend glances at the other friend's paycheck? What happens when work tension bleeds into your weekend plans or vice versa?
Work friendships can enrich your professional life, but only when all parties involved know and maintain their boundaries.
While some friendships form in the workplace, others existed before. However your office friendships blossomed, there are studies that point to workplace companionship being a major plus.
PRO: Friendships at Work Boost Satisfaction
In fact, a poll by Gallup found that having close work friendships can boost employee satisfaction by 50 percent. Employees with friends or a group of friends at work are seven times more likely to fully engage in their work.
Friendships at work are especially advantageous for the youngest staff members and employees, specifically those between the ages of 18 and 24. Having a work friend increases their happiness, motivation, belonging, and confidence.
But what happens when a friendship goes sour at work?
CON: Friendships at Work Can Get MESSY
On the opposite end of the spectrum, friendship-colleague lines can get very blurry at work. That's when things get super weird. When an office experiences turmoil, friend groups at work can morph easily into damaging cliques.
I have definitely seen this happen. Let me tell you, the fallout from failed friendships at work often lasts much longer than the friendship ever did.
Here are some ways a work friendship can get messy:
- You use communication channels at work to discuss weekend plans and office gossip.
- Your friend uses personal details about you to get ahead.
- You become close to a new coworker in your department, which makes your friend jealous.
- At a company party, you inadvertently share personal details about your friend's life to explain their mood lately.
- Your other peers find your workplace friendship(s) to be exclusive and toxic.
These are just some of the ways that a positive experience can turn ugly pretty quickly.
How to Handle Your Best Friend Looking to Become Your Coworker: 6 Common Scenarios
Gulp.
So, your friend made the ask and it's making you feel weird, happy, nervous, and awkward. Here are six scenarios you might encounter when your friend asks for a job hookup at your company. You might feel territorial, cautious, pensive, or absolutely so excited to decorate your BFF's future desk (which is obviously right next to yours!).
There are different circumstances to consider when your best friend wants to become your work buddy.
If you work at a large company, you might be in different roles and entirely different departments. If it's a small startup, it's more likely that the entire team will know you as the concrete link to your friend. That is a lot of pressure. It can feel like having two jobs—one job is the one you get paid for and the other job is making sure your friend makes you look good.
Pro Tip: If you're wondering what to do, talk to a mentor or your boss. Some companies have informal policies in place that discourage hiring friends. Your boss might have experienced working with a best friend. Get advice and input where you can.
1. You Know This Is the Wrong Job for Them
You know your friend likes a lax work environment, small company, room for rapid growth, and dress code freedom—and that’s definitely not what your company is. Your duty is to fill your BFF in on that.
In this scenario, you'd be pretty excited to have your real BFF become your work friend, too. The catch is that you know they would hate your boss, the other employees, and the overall vibe.
Whether it’s the long hours, company culture, deadline stress, or management issues, you need to be honest with your friend about your experiences. Give them a realistic idea of what working for your company might entail.
Start by asking your friend what an ideal work environment would be. Once they confirm your suspicions that the fit wouldn't be great, explain a routine day at your company.
Once you've done your due diligence, you’ll have to let your friend decide whether those negatives you mentioned are enough to discourage them from applying. Speaking of this scenario, it sounds like...
2. You Hate Your Job
In the last scenario, we discussed how to communicate what a negative experience you think the job would be for your close friend. As you list off reasons, you realize that your own job satisfaction is actually non-existent. You realize there is no real inclusion, no opportunity for flexible or remote work, no team building, weird power dynamics, and you realize that you haven't formed any close friendships at work.
In short, as you dive deeper into your negativity, you realize that you hate your job.
3. You Think Your Friend Would Not Be a Good Fit
If this is the case, the first thing to do is let your friend know why you don’t necessarily think this is the right job for her. Gently compare their qualifications, years of experience, areas of expertise, etc. to what is listed in the job description. Maybe your BFF is totally overqualified and you think she can do better.
If so, be honest. On the other hand, if you believe your friend is underqualified, hint at that gently. Or, if you feel your feedback would be destructive and unhelpful, let your friend apply. That way your hands are clean. Just make it clear to your friend that you don’t make the final decisions regarding interviews.
4. You Want to Keep Your Work Life Separate from Your Personal Life
Selfish, much? Totally kidding. We hear this.
This is a tough one since it’s nothing against your friend or their work experience. You may think working with a friend will be distracting, want to keep your work life separate from your personal life, or think your friend might threaten your success.
Try some honest self-reflection. Ask yourself why the idea makes you uncomfortable, and consider whether it's a good enough reason to say no. Whatever the reason may be, you should be honest with her. Let your friend know (in the nicest way possible) that you don’t feel comfortable working together.
It might feel awkward and your friend might feel hurt, but a real friendship should prioritize honesty.
5. You Just Don’t Feel Comfortable “Putting in a Good Word”
Perhaps you know her track record with previous jobs has been rocky or maybe your relationship with your manager is questionable and you know recommending someone will only make it worse. Lastly, maybe you're a new hire and you don't feel comfortable rocking the boat this early. These are all valid concerns.
Whatever the reason, sometimes you’re just not okay with providing a hookup. Once again, the key is to be as open as possible with your friend about your reasoning. If the issue lies beyond qualifications, consider encouraging your friend to apply without your recommendation.
6. You Think Working With Your Friend Sounds Awesome
If you have a feeling that being coworkers with your bestie would be, oh...the best thing ever, then go ahead and pass along their information to your managers. However, you might want to downplay your personal relationship to increase their chances of getting hired.
While managers tend to love referrals, they can also get nervous about the complications of friends working together.
Here are some best practices to (hopefully) get your BFF hired:
- Mention in passing to your managers that you have a contact in mind for the job opening.
- Follow up a day or two later by sending an email over to your manager with your friend’s resume and cover letter.
- In your email, be open about your relationship and admit that this is a friend of yours—but no need to add in all the details about your relationship. Just simply say “My friend…” and go from there.
- Be sure to write a personal recommendation including how you believe they would fit into the company’s culture and noting their stellar attributes.
- Allow your manager to take control and make the decision on whether to follow up with your friend or not—at this point, it’s out of your hands.
Being coworkers with your friends can be awesome or a disaster. It’s up to you to ultimately decide what's best for you while still keeping in mind your friend’s feelings and needs. The worst thing would be to lose one of your best friends over a situation as silly as a job interview.
Keep it all in perspective.
