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Episode 47: Signs You're Not In Control of Your Career—And What You Can Do About It with Erika Ayers Badan
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Workplace Anti-Skills—9 Bad Personality Traits to Leave Behind

Greedy, selfish, braggadocious, and stubborn. These are just a few of the characteristics or "anti-skills" that you do not want to bring into the office—and how to deal when your coworkers bring their worst to work.

We spend a lot of time discussing what you should bring to your workplace and to your career, but what about what you should leave behind?
Often, what “not to do” is as important—if not more important—than what you should do. That’s why we decided to profile ten anti-skills to leave behind in your professional and personal life. 
Yes, it can be difficult to admit when we’re being flakey, passive-aggressive, or downright dishonest. However, recognizing these anti-skills or bad personality traits is the first step to improving them. Beyond that, while you might not identify yourself as being outrightly braggadocious at work, there may be micro-instances in which you are. 
If you want to skip ahead to read about these anti-skills, go ahead!

Table of Contents

So, let’s define our anti-skills, what they are, and what they aren’t. Beyond that, let’s explore examples in which these behaviors might sneak into your work. 

What are Anti-Skills?

Anti-skills are the skills you specifically would not want to showcase on your resume. Sometimes, they are loud and ugly skills that give you a bad reputation. Other times, they are lurking, shadowy “skills” that might be doing harm without your noticing! 
Here’s an example of one of our least favorite skills, passive-aggressiveness, in action. 
Large-Scale Passive Aggressive: When you call out your teammate, in a meeting with management, about a missed detail or a certain part of the project that you “personally” would have done differently.
Smaller-Scale Passive Aggressive: When you quietly redo your teammate’s work without saying anything.
The risk you run, as an employee, is becoming “known” for an anti-skill. Nobody wants to be known as a backstabbing passive-aggressive snake, right? The thing about teams is this: when you go against your own team, everyone loses. If it sounds cliché, it's because it’s true. 
Let’s explore all of the anti-skills + how to cut them out. 

#1 Anti-Skill: Indecisive

We’re starting with indecision because it sounds pretty innocent. The caveat here is that everyone will likely combat some of these anti-skills in their own work. We are human, so duh! 
If you can’t choose between a grilled cheese or a BLT for lunch, you’re not going to lose your job. Indecision is often a symptom of other problems, like impostor syndrome, burnout, or a confidence dip. Indecisiveness hits all of us, but it can do real damage to your career. 

Large-Scale Indecision

  • Bottlenecking projects by constantly running work by management before proceeding to the next step
  • Undermining your own input by adding phrases like, “I dunno, maybe that makes no sense, what do you think?” 

Smaller-Scale Indecision 

  • Taking an email poll on what everyone wants for lunch when it’s your week to choose 

How to Combat Indecisiveness

Our advice here is admittedly a little basic and tough to swallow. It’s this: make the decision. If you’re choosing lunch, do it with confidence. If you’re leading a new project, remind yourself that you were chosen for a reason and that you are the decision-maker. 
Indecision is best fought with confidence, which is always going to be a work in progress. 
For more on the psychology of indecision, read our article on the cost of being indecisive at work
the confidence crunch course

#2 Anti-Skill: Overconfident or Cocky

Remember how we talked about using confidence to combat indecisiveness? 
Well, some people have an abundance of what appears to be overconfidence or cockiness. As we are a women-focused career site, we recognize the irony in addressing overconfidence. Most of our content is modeled around enhancing our confidence, standing up for ourselves and those around us, and for cultivating confidence around our work
So, let’s talk about how overconfidence is its own beast. Typically, this is something women see others bring to work—and it causes serious intimidation, impostor syndrome, and—in many cases—withdrawal. 

Large-Scale Cockiness

  • Someone who only talks about themselves, their successes, and how they do things. Someone who isn’t interested in new perspectives or ideas

Smaller-Scale Cockiness 

  • Piggybacking on someone else’s success by mentioning how you did something similar (and by your standards, better). 

How to Combat Cockiness 

By all means, flaunt your successes. Women in the workplace do not need to be told to sit down or lower their voices. Instead, consider redirecting your extra confidence to lift others up! 
However, recognize when it’s someone else’s turn to speak up and have their voice heard. If you love the sound of your own voice, that’s amazing. Use it to champion yourself and those around you. 

#3 Anti-Skill: Unfocused

One of our highest-performing pieces of content at Career Contessa is a long (loooooooong) list of things to do while you’re bored at work. Yeah, we are all guilty of being unfocused from time to time. It's no big deal. 
However, focus is so important in the workplace. It’s no surprise that focus is a hard skill to get and keep a hold of. The world is so distracting. 
When you’re unfocused at work, you run the risk of silly errors, missed deadlines, and other completely avoidable mistakes.

Large-Scale Lack of Focus 

  • Forgetting to implement client feedback before a large project goes live
  • Sending a reply-all that you definitely only meant to send to one person

Smaller-Scale Lack of Focus

  • Missing a small spelling error* on a presentation
*Depending on your workplace, focus can be a huge deal. If you’re dealing with large exchanges of money, a “simple” lack of focus can literally cost thousands of dollars. In other workplaces, lack of focus might not be “a big deal” per se, but it can earn you a reputation for being sloppy or too distracted. 

#4 Anti-Skill: Flakey

Nobody likes a flake. 
Earning yourself a reputation as a flake in the workplace is...not great. We’re not talking about the fact that you might not want to engage in the Zoom happy hour or (someday) join the company bowling team. Flakiness at work looks like someone who says they’ll do something a certain way only to change their mind, pass the buck to someone else, or disregard any promises altogether. 
Flakiness is typically an “earned” anti-skill. This means your flakiest team member is likely to be a manager or leader who has the position to be flakey. 

Large-Scale Flakiness 

  • Promising raises and other incentives to employees when a goal is hit. When the goal does hit, *crickets*
  • Constantly arriving late to meetings, canceling appointments last-minute, or never paying close attention

Smaller-Scale Flakiness 

  • Forgetting a detail mentioned in a previous meeting
  • Overpromising then correcting when faced with reality

How to Combat Flakiness 

Take a beat. The workplace can move fast, and it can seem attractive to push some to-dos off by promising something better for a later date.
Try to never over-promise. Take the time to think things through before launching into the next thing. We have a mantra here at Career Contessa, which is to only do things once but to do them correctly. Often, you have more time than you think. Take time, even if it’s ten additional seconds, to consider before making promises or moving on to the next bullet point. 

#5 Anti-Skill: Passive-aggressive

“Can you not tap your pencil on your desk during a Zoom call?”
Anybody who has ever had an adult roommate is all too familiar with passive aggression. The last thing you want to do is communicate passive-aggressively in the workplace because, quite frankly, yuck. 
We have talked about how to deal with a passive-aggressive coworker in the past, but have you run a passive aggression test on yourself lately? 
Sometimes, we have “special” relationships with certain coworkers. These are your teammates who you joke around with, take fun jabs at, and generally have fun being around. These relationships can take a sibling-like quality and it’s good, it’s fun, it’s fine—until it’s not. While you may have a fun relationship with one teammate, your good-natured ribbing can end up seeming (or being!) passive-aggressive. 
Additionally, you don’t want that “special” relationship to bleed into your other relationships at work. While your work BFF might love a passive-aggressive zinger, your other coworkers may not appreciate it. 
interpersonal communication 101 course

Large-Scale Passive Aggressive

  • Making a comment, in front of many people, about something a coworker may have forgotten (ie: “Well, Brenda, it looks like you’re not getting enough sleep. Look at all these typos!”) 
  • Making a public complaint that is obviously geared to a specific person (instead of speaking to that person privately) 

Smaller-Scale Passive Aggressive 

  • “Joking” with your perfectionist work BFF about how she used the wrong “your” in an email

How to Combat Passive-Aggressiveness

  • It’s this writer’s opinion that passive-aggression really has no place in the office. Passive-aggression is used to stave off deeper-rooted issues for the time being. Often, it only makes them worse. 
Try not to do it. 
Pro tip: If you are ever starting an email or a sentence with the words, “Can you not…”, you are likely engaging in some passive-aggressive behavior.  So, ummm, can you just not? 

#6 Anti-Skill: Dishonest

We all know two facts about dishonesty in the workplace, so let’s get those out of the way and attack this one. 
Everyone has been dishonest in the workplace at one point. 
Dishonesty isn’t always “lying.”
If you’re familiar with the Real Housewives Universe, you know about the attempt to get away with technicalities when it comes to being dishonest. Dishonesty is an umbrella—and it’s shady under there. 
Dishonesty can be withholding information, making last-minute adjustments to cover up a mistake, taking advantage of someone’s good nature, abusing your expenses, and much more. 
Here’s the thing. Unless you have a very forgiving leader, it’s really, really difficult to come back from a reputation as a dishonest person. 

Large-Scale Dishonesty

  • Taking credit for someone else’s work
  • Abusing privileges you have to the detriment of your team

Smaller-Scale Dishonesty

  • The only situation we believe dishonesty is “okay” is when you’re protecting someone from being abused or hurt, in which case, you should discuss with HR, leadership, or EEOC. 

How to Combat Dishonesty 

Not to be rude, but you know the difference between right and wrong. One practice we find helpful is to consider that your computer screen is being projected on the wall for everyone to see. Is everything you’re doing on the up and up? 

#7 Anti-Skill: Braggadocious / Braggart

Every workplace has had a braggart at one point.
It can be kind of funny when someone has no self-awareness. It could be a boss who makes 10x your salary talking about how they *just can’t decide* which island to summer on this year. It’s the coworker who comes in every Monday boasting about all the love interests they’re fielding. 
It’s your boss who—hey, wait a second—is bragging about the work you’re pretty sure they stole from you. Nobody likes a braggadocious person. 

Large-Scale Braggart Behavior 

  • Taking credit for a victory won through a team effort 
  • Purposefully boasting about all that you have (when you know your coworkers do not have the same means as you) 

Smaller-Scale Braggart Behavior 

  • Showing off a new coat you got with your (well-earned) bonus

How to Combat Braggadocious Behavior 

We’re not talking about celebrating real success. Absolutely always do that! In fact, slap a reminder on your calendar to celebrate your successes every week. Invite others to the party and celebrate all of your success together! 
Know your audience. Assess what’s an appropriate conversation for work. If you’re a leader celebrating a huge success, make sure praise is lobbed on every member of the team who made it happen. 

#8 Anti-Skill: Stubborn / Fixed

We’ve talked about fixed mindsets versus growth mindsets before. While we believe we should always exist in a growth mindset, we are always going to have little blindspots where we are wholly fixed. 
When you earn the reputation for being stubborn or fixed in attitude, you are actively working against yourself. If you’re in a leadership position, you’re working against your whole organization. Change is uncomfortable, but that’s why it can be so rewarding. Try to keep this in focus. The next time you feel like your immediate reaction is a hard no, consider why. 

Large-Scale Stubborn + Fixed Attitude 

  • A “my way or the highway” mentality that keeps your department operating in the past
  • A refusal to hear any ideas that feel off your own course

Smaller-Scale Stubborn + Fixed Attitude 

  • Requiring data-driven proof for any + all changes (While this is solid in theory, some new approaches simply won’t have data-driven proof.) 

How to Combat Stubbornness + Fixed Mindset 

Run an ego check.
Why are you really so opposed to switching something up, fixing something, or attacking a problem in a new or innovative way? Is your stubbornness rooted in ego? This is a difficult question to ask and even more difficult to answer honestly. 

#9 Anti-Skill: Apathetic or Indifferent

Apathy and indifference are quite frustrating to encounter and to feel in the workplace. Like we said earlier, many of these anti-skills are unavoidable at certain times. Jobs and careers ebb and flow. 
Naturally, you are going to have some days where you see your boss’s name pop up in your inbox and you’re going to let out an audible groan. However, if you’re stewing in indifference for a long period of time, you might be experiencing under-challenged burnout at work—where you’re so bored by your work that you simply stop caring. 

Large-Scale Apathy 

  • Neglecting to connect with your team on a project
  • Failing to “remember” the function of a team member’s job
  • Consistently ignoring emails and messages asking for your input or expertise 

Smaller-Scale Apathy

  • Leaving emails unanswered for a few days
  • Forgetting to RSVP to a meeting

How to Combat Indifference

Try to re-motivate yourself at work. Speak to leadership about new opportunities or a bigger vision. If this isn’t available, you might start to look for a job that reignites your motivation. If you’re feeling indifferent, especially in a leadership role, it will become quickly contagious. 
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