You're red hot with anger in the middle of the workday. What happens next?
Work is not often the happy place we go to when we close our eyes—and that's okay. However, it shouldn't be a constant source of frustration, anxiety, and downright anger.
When your emotions—especially anger—are constantly being triggered at work, there might be a bigger problem that you need to address.
The entire spectrum of emotions visits us precisely because we are humans. We're not advising you to push emotions aside or ignore them.
Rather, we want to equip you with tools to assist you in de-escalating tricky situations at work rather than letting red hot anger take the wheel.
Is There a Place for Emotions at Work?
Here's the thing. Emotions are fine. They're not weaknesses or character flaws.
We are humans and we navigate them on a daily basis. As humans, we work through difficult times, through depression, through bad days, and through great days, too.
By shoving your emotions down for 40+ hours a week, you'd be doing your mental health a huge disservice.
But what happens when anger pops to the surface? How do you navigate a difficult situation while your face turns red hot and your fists are clenched so tight that your nails are digging into your palms?
In his piece The Upside to Being Angry at Work, Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic ponders the possibility of an open display of anger at work, explaining, "anger is a better reaction to an abusive boss or supervisor than contempt."
But what happens when anger becomes commonplace at work? Can employees feel safe—both psychologically and physically?
Is there room to display anger or is it best to do the work to tone it down first? Are we supposed to feign complacency despite our dissatisfaction? Is workplace anger "okay"?
Why Am I Angry at Work? 5 Possible Reasons Your Anger is Seeping Out
Can you redirect unexpected anger to use in a productive way?
We're going to explore how to sense rising emotions, navigate their root cause, and deal with them in a professional way—without flipping tables or cussing everyone out.
1. My Boss Sucks, I Hate My Boss
There's the saying "you don't leave a bad job, you leave a bad boss" for a reason. Bad leadership is often the reason (or the root reason) for why employees leave a job.
If you have a boss who drives you up the wall on a regular basis, they might be a bad boss, but there's another possibility, too. Employee-Boss relationships are loaded; there's a power imbalance from day one. Sometimes it's not that your boss is evil, it's that you need to create time and space for understanding.
If your boss is micromanaging, piling too much work, or not communicating the way you prefer, try talking to your boss about it. Is it uncomfortable? Yes, maybe. It is always worth trying to have a conversation that fosters mutual understanding before writing your boss off as a choice four-letter word.
2. I Have Too Much Work to Do
A human can only do what they can do. If you are continuously overworked, you might be headed toward total workplace burnout—and you do not want to go there.
So what can you do when your frustration turns into red-hot anger around your never-ending assembly line of work?
Breathe and delegate. If you don't have anywhere to delegate your work, have a chat with your boss. It doesn't make you weak to communicate a work overload. Write down what you do, how long it takes, and which work you could offload.
Show your boss that you have simply too much to accomplish within a workweek, on repeat, and it's weighing on you.
3. I'm Underappreciated. Nobody Listens to Me
If you feel underappreciated and caught on the mute button, well, that's infuriating. In fact, feeling ignored in the workplace could cause an otherwise pretty reserved individual to go off just in order to feel heard.
Try not to hulk out when Mike speaks over you at the all-team meeting or when your boss doesn't say thank you when you hold the door open for the trillionth time.
If you're feeling underappreciated at work, wait for a time when you're not feeling too much tension or resentment and have a conversation with leadership about recognition, better ways to communicate, and how to open channels for other employees to be heard.
Don't let "Mike" overrun every meeting.
4. My Anger is Wholly Unrelated to Work
We're going to go into this more in-depth shortly, but it's a big one. Many times, the frustration that comes out at work doesn't actually live there. It lives at home—maybe with a sick loved one, a relationship struggle, a difficult time financially, or maybe it's your physical health.
Anger comes out when our buttons are pushed, even when nobody is purposefully pushing them. Instead of yelling at Brenda for leaving your office door ajar, find an appropriate way to communicate without losing it.
5. My Workplace is Toxic and/or Hostile
There's a huge difference between having an irritating day at work and facing injustice discrimination, or harassment every day.
If your workplace is overrun by bullies, inappropriate jokes, harassment, or shame-based talk, your workplace might actually be hostile. Speaking simply, if this is why you're experiencing anger at work, then it's not really your responsibility to "make it work" or "calm down".
If you suspect this is the case, we have more resources for you to read:
- 10 Signs You’re in a Toxic Work Environment
- 6 Signs You're in a Hostile Work Environment—And How To Get Out!
What to Do When You're Angry at Work
The most important lessons you'll learn about navigating your anger can be found in a simple board book made for a toddler. I realized that these simple, graphic books are an expert lesson in managing (but not ignoring!) your emotions at work and everywhere else.
Here are a few healthy ways to deal with anger at work.
1. Create an Anger + Frustration Mantra
If you think mantras don't work, you'd be incorrect. Sorry! Mantras can help to curb anger and the negative consequences that come with it at work.
If the temptation to absolutely reem your coworker for forgetting another deadline comes up, the simple act of repeating a calming phrase can help—a lot.
Here are some anger mantras to try:
- I can let go.
- This too shall pass.
- Empathy before anger
- Breathe in calm, breathe out anger.
2. Recognize The Triggers
If work is causing hair-trigger reactions—and you're about to lose it—recognize what they are. If you can avoid them, do so. For example, if your coworker likes to use lunch to complain all about their love life, avoid the break room at lunchtime. If your boss's micromanagement is getting under your skin, try to anticipate their needs by overcommunicating via email.
By recognizing your personal triggers, you can reduce the opportunities for anger to rise in the first place.
If you get to writing your triggers down and it's quite literally everything that's taking you to your edge (once upon a time, I was ready to chuck my computer out of the window because of my incoming slack chimes) then pay attention to the next tip.
3. Take A Break
Did we all learn this trick on Sesame Street?
When dealing with core human emotions, like anger, your preschool lessons will serve you well. If your anger is about to break through in the heat of the moment, take a break and count to ten.
Okay, maybe count to a thousand.
4. Use Your Head
When I am angry, I run a line of questions in my head, which usually works.
If you've reached a fever pitch and you sense your mouth is about to come unhinged, call your brain in for backup. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything.
If you are called upon to respond, feel free to communicate that you are processing and that you might need some time and space to respond
5. Consider Your Options
There are a few options for us when we experience unbridled rage at work. Many of them depend on the situation at hand.
If you've run out of patience with someone who makes sense, try to allow your empathy to step in to pad the situation. Ask questions about what's happening Offer solutions to the problem at hand. Try to give the benefit of the doubt.
If someone is in your face displaying their own anger—loud and proud—it can feel nearly impossible to not respond in kind with matched anger or frustration. If you're being intimidated at work, distance yourself from the intimidator when possible.
Communicate your boundaries and communication methods. Try to never engage with a colleague by matching anger to anger. If you can be "the bigger person", always try.
PSA: If you are facing physical intimidation in your workplace, it's a serious problem that should be reported.
6. Create an Anger Management Plan
Past experiences, especially in relation to our upbringing, tend to radically inform how to experience and communicate anger.
For example, if your family was (and is) a "yell it out" family, you might deal with anger by getting loud and in your face—and maybe it works for your family. The problem here is that your employees and colleagues are not your families (unless they are, literally speaking).
On the flip side, if your family is more of a "shove it down" family, you may never communicate affronts that hurt you or undermine your job.
We likely never want to mimic how we deal with our family issues at work.
If your way of dealing with anger isn't the best (there isn't a "best" way, anyway), it can be helpful to create an anger management plan for yourself. If you know that you are prone to anger, you can learn how to channel your anger in an acceptable way–without lodging insults, telling, or creating more problems with an angry outburst.
Here are a few anger management solutions you can try.
Time Out
We went over this a bit already, but the trick is knowing when to put yourself in a time-out.
When engaged in an interaction that looks like it's going Southbound, take your own time out to collect yourself. Remove yourself—either physically or mentally—from the moment. Take a walk. Shake it off. Return with a more sound mind.
Breathing Methods
There are breathing methods that can help you release yourself from stressful events. When particularly anxious, you might notice yourself taking rapid, shallow breaths that come directly from the chest.
This type of breathing is called thoracic or chest breathing. Slow down your breath by trying square breathing:
- inhale 4 seconds
- hold 4 seconds
- exhale 4 seconds
- rest 4 seconds
- repeat as necessary
Here are other deep breathing methods you can try.
Visualization
Like a repeated mantra, visualization can help immensely in a heightened time of stress and anger. Use visualization to take you out of the moment and to slow down your heartbeat.
A few things you can visualize are:
- A peaceful and serene lake
- Your "happy" place, equipped with the people and objects that make you feel safe
- A particularly warm and cozy memory
Designate a "Phone a Friend"
In the game show, "Who Wants to Be A Millionaire" a contestant who is stumped with a question could call a friend who has a demonstrated knowledge on the topic at hand.
If you have a person who is particularly talented at talking through problems with calming phrases and support, put them on speed dial.
7. Find Long-Term Solutions
When your anger feels like an untameable beast that continues to claw in at inopportune moments, you might want to take a deeper look at it, in order to understand it.
If your workplace has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) you might have access to professional therapists. If not, you can seek out talk therapy to explore your anger, both in and out of the workplace.
In Conclusion
We wanted to reiterate that anger pops up once in a while and that's fine.
It's also important to protect and defend yourself and those around you from toxic or hostile behavior.
If you suspect that you're navigating a toxic workplace or a downright hostile work environment, you might find that your anger is a defense mechanism against harassment.
Remember that a paycheck is never an exchange for wrongful treatment.
